The Pursuit of Happiness

Happiness, otherwise known as coming home from a long day to freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, or staring at that super popular girl who sits in front of you and wishing you had her life. What if it was more than that? What if it was real? What if you didn’t need those cookies or that girl’s life to be happy? When you think of happiness, you often think of something that fills a void, but does anyone ever stop to ask why there’s a void in the first place? Why is there always something to fix? I think that we create those voids for ourselves and stuff them with everything else to be “happy.” I believe happiness is being able to indeed be happy without anything or anyone pleasing you in any way. I believe that to be one of the most important values.

To start off, I find happiness to be the center of life, without it, everything seems meaningless. Everything I am, say, and do is because that is my choice. No one controls it unless I give it to them, but it’s not mine to take from others either. Furthermore, I like to keep reminding myself to accept things as they are and not get stuck on them. When I do, I am giving those powers to something or someone else. From my own experiences, I have learned that happiness is entirely yours if you let it. Every day, I would sit down in my classroom, full of decorated walls, students gossiping in each corner, a teacher working hard to finish her grades in time for the end of the semester, and everything else you would normally expect. I would sit and listen to everyone and everything, only observing and not judging. As I grew older, I started to notice differences between myself and the other girls in my class. They would have a specific body figure, hairstyle, clothes, and even specific subjects they would talk about. I began to see those same things everywhere, everyone seemed to have it, and soon I wanted all of it. Not for me, but to fit into some kind of crowd, to impress them, and to become them. I modified everything I could find in myself, my hair, my personality, my clothes, what I talked about, my interests, my friends, my body, and anything I could think to fix. Every time I thought I was reaching those standards, I felt like I was never good enough. But I didn’t stop there, even though it hurt me inside, even though I would come home to lock myself in my room and make myself feel worse about not living up to those standards. 

Soon, I felt torn inside and wanted everything to stop. I felt something in me wanting to break free from whatever prison I was in. So I did. Every day, instead of coming home to beat myself up more, I would sit down and get to the bottom of why there was a void and what caused it. I then accepted it and forgave myself, and anyone or thing that was involved. I learned that holding on to those voids only hurt me. It wasn’t helping me reach the standard, it was causing me all the more pain. So why should I hold on to it? After letting go, it felt like a weight of chains had just been taken off of my back, letting me walk free, not for them, but for me. I continue moving forward in life, with these lessons learned behind me, looking only to the future and spending my time in each second of the present. Without any deep voids, I can say I am happy. That is all I need, all I want, and all I am.

All in all, after what I have overcome,  learned, and where I am, I believe that happiness is all one ever needs. I think of it as something that seems so simple, yet impossible to reach. I could only touch it when I learned that it was mine. I am the only one in charge of choosing or denying it. All the advice anyone else could give me is that the pursuit of happiness comes from within, it comes from allowing myself to live life as me and for me.